You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
