Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
