Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
