My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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