I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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