To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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