i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
