Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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