in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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