i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
