It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
