We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
