You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize