If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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