It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
