based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
