Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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