You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
