Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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