apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
