i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
