He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
