who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
