Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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