You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
FUCK WHALES
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