she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
