You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
