If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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