If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
