i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
