I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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