I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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