bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
a search helicopter?!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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