remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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