found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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