I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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