Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
