i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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