I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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