I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
