what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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