she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So much Jack, so little girl.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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