Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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