after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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