No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
