I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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