The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
