was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
