Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
