I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
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