Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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