brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Randomize
