did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
