I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
