"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
