Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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