I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
