You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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