you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
whose ass print is on the piano?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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