If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
