She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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