I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My feet surprised me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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