he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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