i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
