If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
