there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
