farters have to be the big spoon...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
