Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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