it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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