The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
