I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
