be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
