R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Randomize