Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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