my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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