i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
zippers are such a cool invention
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
