You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
