So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
